White Power 2: More Whiter

White History Month. It's a thing brought up every February (i.e. Black History Month) by white people who question why they themselves don't have a special month.

By the technicalities of this thing we call "equality" we should all have a history month.

"But Kyle, that's socialist!" Shut up, Generic Republican 1. You like throwing that term around almost as much as you like throwing your nuclear-fueled dicks of death around.

"Coming" for you.

As I was saying, in a completely equal society, I'd think there'd be a White History Month. Or at the least the chance to have a White History Month. Ya know, we try it one year and if it doesn't work, we drop the idea. Something like that, right?

My bullshit meter is going off.
I know that joke doesn't make much sense, I just wanted to use it.

You best check your privilege now because I'm about to drop some heavy stuff on you.

As my man TayTay(she's a female by the way. What, females can't be men? Check your privilege.) has pointed out to me numerous times, including just now, before:

Yes, I used pink. I like the color.

So that's what this "equality" thing boils down to; either we give everyone a month (something that's highly improbable) or give give no one a month (much easier!). Now, I'm sure someone is going to bitch about it, but everyone has to make sacrifices, right? Right. Let's get on with the rest of this thing, shall we?

In my humble, but correct, opinion, there doesn't need to be a white history month.

"But Kyle," you as Angry White Hipster 1 (who's actually learned to work with Generic Republican 1; aren't I magical like that?) begin to angrily text on your white iPhone, "if blacks and Mexicans have their own months, why can't white people?" To which I say you, sir and/or madam, need to look a little more closely at history because...

We

Run

This

Bitch.

And here's a few other people to boot.

Also this guy, but he's just really cool.

Don't you get it, white people?

Every other month is white history month. 

You may not be conscience of it, but most history taught today (or at least in 'Murrica) is white history - for white people, by white people. Now now, I know you're getting ready to contradict me, but let's just cover some things that our history books commonly cover:

• The presidents; the first 43 are white, the 44th is half white.
• The Indians were here. They actually weren't white. But white people did take the land.
• Blacks were enslaved by whites. See the point above.
• During the second industrial revolution, pretty much everyone who got rich was white. (People like J.P. Morgan, John Rockefeller, and Andrew Carnegie.)
• White people usually created the important inventions (electricity, the telephone, ore refining processes, anything to do with the arts) while other races are more or less nodded at.
• The Enlightenment Period, the teaching of which tends to ignore any eastern teachings.
• How the east pretty much had more advanced technology for a good portion of time.
• And probably a few more I can't think of.

Think fast: why are there any other history months any way?

Because the white man said there could be. True, things like black history week and even the early idea we know as black history month were all initiated by blacks, but it was a white guy who had the final say. Sure, that might just be me fabricating details to make a point (when isn't it?) but it sounds a lot more menacing, doesn't it?

Not only that, but white people pretty much conquered the world. Can't we handle a little flak, white folks, for the kind of accomplishment? I mean, it may not something to be entirely proud of, but it's still there. If black people can take pride in a woman who created hair-care products, why can't I be proud of my race ruling everything?

Wow. I sound like an old racist now.

"We're proud of you, Kyle!"

White Power

With the recent death of Nelson Mandela, thoughts of racism and discrimination have been dancing around in my head more than usual. Especially after finding multiple articles claiming the man to be a Communist and a possible racist. On top of that, some evidence points towards him being part of a (still on-going) genocide. Make of those what you will, as some of the evidence is sketchy at best.

Nonetheless, this leads me to a still oft asked question: Does racism exist? 

Well, quite obviously, it does. Black. Hispanic (or Mexican, since - to every racist - they're all Mexican anyway). Asian (see Hispanic, but replace "Mexican" with "Chinese"). All of them are hated by other races.

But what about whites? 

Often considered the majority, white folk were once the standard (before this magical thing call "equality" was thunk up). However, that standard is quickly changing. What it might become, I couldn't tell, but it's changing regardless. I mean, you can call a white guy "cracker" or whatever the kids are using now a days -- they could really come up with something better too. White racial slurs pretty much suck and aren't actually that offensive, except for "negrophiliac", which should really be used more because that sounds hilarious. However, that's racism in its own right. 

On the discrimination side of things, some people point toward the affirmative action laws, which pretty much tell corporations/businesses/universities/anything else that needs people to work that they have to meet certain quotas of minorities OR ELSE. When they were introduced, they made sense: all the white people were extremely racist and they pretty much had to be forced to change so we could reach what we have today. But are they still needed today? Some (white) people say no. They say it unfairly discriminates against them, causing them to be denied certain things simply because of arbitrary details. Honestly, that'd be pathetic if anyone were denied, simply because there's already enough wang or not enough melanin for the quota.

But the best way to tell is to do a survey. So that I shall do. Sorta. Not the full thing here, but consider this a preliminary.

• Do you consider any of the following groups to be discriminated against:
• Whites
• Blacks
• Hispanics (Browns?)
• Asians (Yellows)
• Native American (Reds)
• Other (because I probably forgot someone)
• Do you think discrimination is increasing against the following groups:
• Whites
• Blacks
• Hispanics (Browns)
• Asians (Yellows)
• Native American (Reds)
• Other
•  Optional: Explain your answers

And that's it. 

And just to make sure you don't end up as some imbecile who can't think for themselves because they've been conditioned their whole life, may I point you to my friend Mr. T:

"I pity the fool who disagrees with Kyle."

See? The T said it; you can't argue now. Unless you want your head to be crushed like one of Gallagher's watermelons in those biceps.

Pictured: your future career if you don't stay in school.
Being an aging man smashing fruit, that is. Not the watermelon.
Though you might be the watermelon. Who knows?