You aren't special and don't have a mental disorder.

You know what really grinds my gears?

A giant shredder?

Close, but no. (That's actually just really awesome.) No, it's the people who claim they "have OCD [sic]."

"But Kyle," you're already trying to justify your stupidity, "I really do have OCD. I can't stand it when people leave little marks on a chalkboard."

Hold the fuck up right there. That's not even close to what an obsessive compulsive disorder is. But you know, I'll give you the shadow of a doubt; I'll just think you haven't had the proper education to fully understand just what it means to have obsessive compulsive disorder. Now come, let Kyle teach you the ways of not being stupid.

If this bothers you at all, then I'm not even going to bother because
you're beyond hope.

In my personal experience, definitions are always the best places to start. For this, I'll quote the glory that is Wikipedia:

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry;

"BUTKYLEBUTKYLEBUTKYLE," Jesus Christ. Don't even start... "Seeing unerased marks on a chalkboard and not having every gumball of the same color in the same spot does make me uneasy and cause me to fear and worry!" No, you're just a twit who doesn't know how to act rationally. And you see that semicolon? Right there, at the end of the quote? That, for you uncultured swine (I don't know why I say that, considering the semicolon is pretty much a dying piece of punctuation), means there is more to the quote. Shall we continue?

by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety; or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions.

Wait... You hear that?

"But Kyyyyllllleeeee," Dammit.

"I dooooooo repeat behaviors like hyperventilate and act pretentious and make a big deal out of literally nothing."

Like I said, you're just a twit.

You see, people who actually have the disorder do such things as:

• Excessively wash (a common examples is washing the hands an exact number of times)
• Repeatedly checking on things
• Extreme hoarding (not to be confused with A&E's new reality contest show "Xtreme Hoarders"
• Sex (a lot)
• Avert to numbers (Revelation be damned!)
• And consistently perform nervous rituals

 I'm just going to go out on a limb -- just ball-parking here -- and say that you don't even come close to manifesting any of those symptoms. No, don't even try to say the first one applies because you take a shower everyday or the second because you don't want your baby to be smothered by the cat. No, Mr. Hot Shit, just because you claim to have tons and tons of sex doesn't mean you have an OCD. (Unless being full of shit, like your name suggests, is one of the symptoms and I just missed it.) Again, you're all twits for even thinking this.

And you know what's the saddest part of all? People seem to embrace this; they actively express that they "have OCD [sic]" and then laugh about it like they're having a fit of ganja-induced giggle fit. 

And then this happens.

Still think you're obsessive compulsive? Well, if you are/happen to be professionally diagnosed, then this entire rant really didn't apply to you and I hope all of the idiots in the world learn to stop being idiots (not sure how that would actually happen. If you aren't diagnosed, don't do any repetitive actions based on illogical fears, and think you're obsessive compulsive, then I'm sorry, but you're a complete idiot and I hope this entire rant hurt your feelings.

I'm not saying mental disorders can't be funny -- everything can be funny -- just that it's stupid when you think you have a disorder without knowing anything about anything.