Super-powered Freaks

"Let's have a little fun; all favoritism aside, and no partials considered, who is the best superhero of all time?" -Anon

Quite the tall order we have here, asking me to choose the best superhero. that's like asking me to pick the best Pokemon of all time. I mean, do we go by pure numbers, their overall story, or badassery? Of course, you should know by now that I'll be covering all three.

The Numbers!

Thinking about it, there's only one rational choice if we're going based purely based off of the most objective means possible, and that choice is...


*drum roll*

Superman. Yep, you should have seen it coming. The Man of Steel wins out if it's a toe-to-toe fist fight. Not Batman. Not Ironman. Their only superpowers were money, so they can't really count. No, the Kryptonian Crime-buster (if that isn't a nickname yet, it's my copyright) easily wins out. Having more superpowers than should be possible, and only being weak to a rock, it's kinda hard to argue the point. He's virtually indestructible (minus that whole rock thing) and can shoot lazers from his eyes. That's pretty much a winning ticket there.

"But, Kyle!" You begin to riot because you can't handle a differing opinion. "<insert hero's name here> would just get some kryptonite and weaken/kill Superman." Yea, I suppose you're right for once, reader. Only one problem with that logic:

Why would Superman let said person that? Sure, Superman might not kill unless it's absolutely needed, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be willing incapacitate people. Shatter their kneecaps? Depends on what canon you're using.

And don't even get me started on the time Superman became a member of the White Lantern Corps.

For those of you who don't get what I mean, I'm referencing the power rings from the Green Lantern comics. Superman was offered a Green Power Ring at one point too, but Green is nothing compared to White. The list of abilities goes on and on, but just check this out if you want to find out more. Basically, it takes the already god-like Superman and turns him into a god-like being with the ability to create things with your mind, resurrect things, and use his already awesome eye beams with a cool new light beam. That is statistically the best superhero ever.

Story Time!

I actually have no clue about this one. Seriously, there are so many different versions of every single superhero ever, that picking just one would be pretty much useless.

I can, however, say that Spider-Man has a pretty good story going for him. He was the first superhero that people could really connect with; after all, every other superhero at that time was some sort of alien or not-quite-human being. Parker was just an ordinary student in New York City when he happened to be bitten by a radioactive spider. While most of us will never get to experience the painful bliss of unstable spider venom, the vast majority (I hope, anyway) can sympathize with the student role that Peter has to carry on with. Add on the romance plot with Mary Jane (a painfully obvious euphemism for teenager's love for marijuana) and the best-friend-turned-worst-enemy twist, it could relate to teenagers on one level or another.

Badassing Beyond Belief.

This was the one I was looking forward too. I know the perfect man for this job. The Merc with a Mouth, ever an anti-hero, Deadpool himself!

"But, Kyle," you once again dare to interrupt me, "you only like Deadpool because of his game!" And I say nay! I've known of Deadpool for quite a few years now. So stick that in your juice box and suck it.

Deadpool, while not being hopped up on super steroids, still boasts a rather interesting pallet, namely having a version of Wolverine's healing factor. Originally included to cure him of his terminal cancer, the power went a little bit further, essentially making an unkillable, trash talking killer. Come one, the man can't even get drunk! That's how well he heals! Add to that the fact that his brain cells die and regenerate so quickly that he's mentally unstable and has no set fighting style, and you've got yourself a quite ridiculous idea.

But the best thing about Deadpool is his humor. Not only does he seem to get off at killing people (the more violent the better!) but he breaks the fourth wall so often, one wonders why the carpenters bother rebuilding it at all.