The whole Shebang

Syria. Right now, it's running rampant on every form of media. Or rather, the events that have occurred within its borders are running rampant; chemical weapons are quite an attention-drawing mechanism, aren't they?

This use of chemical weapons has really gotten everyone's panties in a bunch. Especially our country's. Mostly the president's. Of course, his panty-bunching has caused a domino effect of panty-bunching, so it's pretty safe to say that everyone's panties are in a bunch. Especially mine.

"But Kyle," you're already blurting in, "You don't wear panties, and mine aren't in a bunch." Both of those things are false, you liar. You shouldn't lie; liars go to Hell.

Anyway, a couple days ago, the president walked up "Osama is dead lane" to update all of us on his plan, which used to consist of "carrying out a remote missile strike and then backing out." Why we needed to be updated on a plan as simple as that, I will never know. I mean, even the idiots of this country can get something as simple as that. Apparently, that's not so, thus a speech was needed.

In his speech, Mr. Obama told us several things, of which I took some notes. They are (in bullet form) as follows:

• Ethos and Pathos appeals (attacks, imagery)
• Rules of war violated
• No civil war resolve [on the U.S. part] through force
• gas mask distribution [to regime], rockets launched
• Attacks on key neighborhoods (not military bases)
• Confirmation in government [Syria's] strikes
• [Appeal of] WWI + II gas attacks
• Threaten [U.S.] allies
• 0 tolerance policy with chemical weapons
• Congressional vote [on attacks]
• No boots on ground/no campaigns/no war
• Other means not working
• Russia is in
• Pressuring Asad
• Postponing strike
• Waiting for U.N. investigation
• Chemical reserves
• Slippery slopes: "if we don't act, gas will be used again" + other WMD's

If you don't understand any of that, this will be one of the few times I don't blame you. Just ask for clarification on them somewhere.

The gist of the whole speech is that the strike -- which was supposed to be immediate -- is being postponed for a Congressional vote and to await further U.N. investigations. This is probably because popular opinion pressured him into waiting, since we all know America is filled with a bunch of hippy wimps who just want to make love, not war.

Going based off of what was said in the speech (since I can't research anything offline), it's clear that the Syrian government was the one who initiated the attack. Of course, it wouldn't be too hard for the rebels to manufacture/acquire chemical weapons, but it's unlikely based on the location of the strikes. Unless the rebels are some evil masterminds and they did attack those neighborhoods so that the U.S. would strike the military bases, thus weakening the regime, thus allowing the overthrow the oppressive government! Yes, that's obviously what happened. Don't think beyond that, there's no reason to.

The main argument against a U.S. military strike is, according to popular opinions and plenty of differing polls, is that the American population is tired of war; that they just want to stay out of it and not worry about it. Honestly, I can see where they're coming from in that respect. The second, almost as major, point is that it'll just lead to a war (commonly referred to as World War III) and put boots on the ground. Ya know, contrary to what we were told.